28/3/2022

It takes a while before your efforts materialize. I've been succesful when it came to fixing my dopamine addiction and getting back into the habit of continuous studying. I would wake up, work on a subject for a few hours, take a break, work a little bit more, and call it a day. It was great. I slept well, ate well, was building a good habit.

But then, as is usual, I pushed my obligations aside because I was tempted by someone else to go and party for a while. It is wholly my mistake to have fallen into temptations. The consequences are major. I was unable to fall asleep last night because how stressed and tense I was, having been doing all of the tasks I planned to work through the weekend in just a matter of a few hours. This was no good. I missed two nights of healthy sleep, and suddenly, I can't do 8 pull-ups, I can't do 20 push-ups, I can barely sit still for an hour.

Why do I this? Is it the fear of missing out? What did I miss out on? Some remixed music? Alcohol? Drugs? Cigarettes? Are any of these good? Maybe not in excess, but for two days straight, that's an issue. I am not interested anymore in wasting my time seeking quick pleasures. I have made a mistake and I feel terrible about it. But this only motivates me to struggle more.